i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
