piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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