Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
