How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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