Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
