JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
