she was so not down for the gang bang
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
