very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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