So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
