me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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