There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
