I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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