Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
