No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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