I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
