You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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