You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
