So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
