If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
