Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
