The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
