all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
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You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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