I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i believe in u and ur pee
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
