you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and she was petting her beer can
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
