The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
