i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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