Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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