Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your cock deserves a montage
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
