Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
