I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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