hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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