Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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