i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
