That's when you crack a 10am beer
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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