she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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