high people should be assigned attendants
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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