I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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