I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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