I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
