he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
