you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
