My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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