you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
