I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How does one acquire holy water?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
