Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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