the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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