Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
