we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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