So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pants are for mortals
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
