So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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