Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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