remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
