Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize