Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
