Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
