What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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