dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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