After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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