My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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