You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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