last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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