She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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